Follow-up -

I had a whole post written in response to all those who sent negative comments and questions to be regarding fear.  Instead of posting it, I deleted it.  I decided not to engage in the negative banter than would be created if I posted it.  For now, I will just say - please let me raise my kids the way I feel I am directed, and everything will be fine.

On another note - have you seen my eyes?  I posted a picture on Facebook yesterday.  Well, today, the left eye is still bad (if not a little worse) and my right eye is significantly worse.  Here, check it out.

The eye that's more swollen is my left eye.  That's the eye that I had the infection in first.  We are fairly positive that the infection is viral rather than bacterial.  I am doing drops in my eyes, but they have been fairly unsuccessful thus far in doing anything positive.  They have caused me to feel like I have sand in my eyes and they provide instant sharp pains behind my eyes for an hour or so after I put the drops in.

As I laid on the couch this morning with my eyes closed, I thought back on the significant physical pain I have felt over the span of my life.  My first surgery was when I was 7 years old.  I have had several surgeries, given birth to 4 children, and suffered many physical afflictions in the time since I was 7 and remember feeling physical pain.  Here are my thoughts....

Childbirth was painful (as one would expect).  Of the 4 deliveries I had, 2 were (semi) medicated and 2 were done with nothing (only because we learned that the epidural did nothing for me...) As you would expect (or as you already know) childbirth can be pretty excruciating pain.

Kidney stones takes childbirth to a whole different level.  Kidney stones is extremely similar to childbirth without the breaks in-between contractions.  It's constant.  The one great thing about kidney stones in place of childbirth is that once the kidney stone is "delivered" you don't have a tiny human totally dependent on you.  One that only sleeps in 2-3 hour stretches, wants to constantly eat (just remembering the breastfeeding pain makes me queasy), not to mention the physical recovery from childbirth.  Kidney stone recovery is just getting back to your regularly scheduled life.

My current physical challenges with my eye doesn't compare in pain to kidney stones, however, it is completely debilitating.  I really can't do anything.  I don't want to come into contact with people because I wouldn't wish this upon even my worst enemy.  Besides feeling like there is sand in my eye and sharp pains behind my eye, my vision is blurry and it hurts to physically keep my eye open. However, the sand feeling is worse when my eyes are closed. I can't watch a movie, I can't play games on my phone, and I can't browse Pinterest or Facebook.  Those all require my eyes being open. So, I lay on the couch.  Fighting between keeping my eyes closed because it's better for them and open because there's less pain when they're open. So, there you have it!

I am thankful for friends!  Messages, calls, flowers, and help!  My poor husband had to drive kids with me last night because I couldn't really see anything.  Please, be grateful for your eyesight!

Disclaimer: this post was typed mostly with my eyes closed and it was not proofread.  Please do not comment on spelling, grammar, or other mistakes.  Right now - I DON'T CARE!!

Rough days..

I would have been okay living my life without today EVER happening. I was sitting on my bike at the gym waiting for my Sprint class to start. J's name popped up on my phone and I knew I had to take it.

Back up to last Friday when much to my dismay, we discovered we got to pay the price for the kids being back to school. Justin came home with a roaring case of viral pink eye. Saturday morning we got an in-home visit from our {amazing} doctor. He told us to watch it and if it didn't get better in a couple of hours, we would start him on an antibiotic to prevent ocular damage. He cautioned that any type of pain in the eye was something we need to be concerned about because if the ocular nerve was involved, he could lose his vision. We started him that afternoon on an antibiotic ointment  and woke up Sunday to a worsening case. We received another in-home visit from the doctor after church (Justin got to skip church) and we increased the frequency of the antibiotic application. Monday he stayed pretty consistent. No improvement, but it didn't get worse. 

Back to this morning, where I was anxiously awaiting the start of my Sprint class. I answered Justin's call and heard him in tears on the other end of the line. He said he was in pain and needed me to get him. My anxiety shot through the roof. Of all my kids, Justin has the highest tolerance for pain. Playing football and now baseball has given him the ability to withstand quite a bit. So, to have him in tears was terrifying. I sent a text to our doctor and immediately left to pick Justin up. Our doctor told me to take him in. So, I made it from the gym to the base and checked in (with Justin in tow) in less than 30 minutes. {I may or may not have broken a speed limit or two!} 

It was confirmed that he had gotten worse. Labs and a CT scan were ordered and off we went. I think my super strong kid has PTSD from allergy shots because he hates needles. first up was a CT scan (with contrast) that included an IV drip. Next up we're labs. He smashed my hand while the needle was placed. Labs were completed and, bandage applied so he could finally breathe. Only to be told that the lab tech missed one of the labs and they needed another vile. I literally laughed out loud. So, they unwrapped the IV arm and stuck it again for the last vile of labs. I will forever be grateful that he was given the all clear. No ocular infection and no underlying infection in the body. We are trying a different antibiotic and hoping that he will get better. 

A few things that I have learned today - fear is real and can not (and should not) be ignored. I was so scared for him that he would lose his vision. Just when things are going so well and his dreams were coming true, he was in jeopardy of losing it., I was terrified that he would have to have a new normal. I am thankful for two very dear friends that tried talking me off the ledge that I was on. They weren't very successful, and really they knew they wouldn't be, but they loved me enough to try. To those two - thank you! I love you! I know that if we were facing a new normal, we would not be alone. However, I am grateful that we don't have to learn a new normal.

I also learned that it is important to let our kids occasionally see us be afraid. He mentioned that he was comforted because I was afraid. He laughed that he thought I was more afraid than he was. There is a right time for them to know that we feel all of the same things that they feel. He found so much comfort in my fears. 

Tonight, as I take time to reflect and write in my journal, I learned that I need to take more time to reflect on my fears, blessings, and take inventory of where I stand. I sure love this kid!!

My land...

"And I, Nephi, did build a temple; and I did construct it after the manner of the temple of Solomon save it were not built of so man precious things; for they were not to be found upon the land, wherefore, it could not be built like unto Solomon's temple. But the manner of the construction was like unto the temple of Solomon; and the workmanship therof was exceedingly fine."

-2 Nephi 5:16-

Whether or not you believe in the Book of Mormon, this scripture ABSOLUTELY can apply to you. 

At first this can be a confusing scripture.  Nephi has broken off from his wicked brothers.  His people are establishing their homes and way of life.  Nephi tells us that they built a temple.  It was like Solomon's, except it wasn't, except it was, except it wasn't, and they liked it. Uh, okay.  

Upon closer inspection, we find that Nephi is telling us that he built a temple like the one that Solomon built.  It would have been better, as good as Solomon's, if they had been in a different place with different materials, but other than the materials - it was just like Solomon's.  

What is the significance behind it being just like Solomon's Temple?  In the Bible, there are exact directions for the temple.  Measurements, colors, trimmings, and materials to use.  Nephi, wanting to make a temple pleasing to the Lord, built according to these directions as closely as he could.

What does this mean for us?  We may not find ourselves on the land that we expected.  We may have hoped or planned for better circumstances, money, or even relationships. However, just because we may find ourselves in a different situation than we planned, we can still do/be something great.  Our specific faith aside, we all face life with all the twists and turns.  Things change and we can make ourselves adaptable and still create something great.  

Our challenge is just that: create something great.  Something that is "exceedingly fine" and pleasing to us.  There are few things in life that we can control, but we can control our attitude and how we respond to the things that happen to us in life.  My friends, please be happy!

He's Concentrated Awesome!! {Nate}

I have been meaning to write this for some time now. The last 18 months with Nate have been a roller coaster. Most of the events that have happened during that period of time have been kept close to my heart. I have a new insight to the scripture "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart." {Luke 2:19} My emotions have been all over the place with support only from a few dear friends. I did this on purpose. Only a few select people knew what has been going on. That was a self preservation move on my part. If I had to go through each story numerous times, I think I would have broke. I am going to list things chronologically before I share some of my personal feelings.

(**Warning - this is going to be a LONG post.  Most of this is for my records, but I have had several questions from dear friends asking for an update - so here you go!**)

October 8, 2015 - Nate's 9 year check-up. At this appointment our pediatrician expressed concern because Nate had fallen off his own growth curve. We'd long since abandoned the "normal" growth curve, as Nate was in the 4% for weight and 3% for height for a very long time. However, he had remained steady on that curve until sometime between July and October of 2015. He feel to the 0% in both weight and height. {Note, this is as low as you can go. You can not fall below 0 on the chart. You can exceed 100 which Kennie and Justin have both done before they were 1, but you can not go lower than 0.} She put in for an x-ray to determine bone age, a series of blood tests, as well as a referral to a pediatric endocrinologist {Will be referred to as PE for the duration of this post.} Due to my anxiety in this area being very high, I put off making the appointment for the PE and completing the bone age. I did take him to get labs drawn and they took 10 vials of blood and tested for EVERYTHING!! All the tests were normal with exception of his growth hormone level, which was 68 {it was only a tad bit low with 85 being the normal.} Picture above was taken right before they took his blood.

December 2015 - I finally scheduled the appointment with the PE and took him to the base and had the x-ray done! He had turned 9 that previous August so he was 112 months and his bone age came back at 60 months.This is obviously a huge difference in where he was and where he should be.

January 2016 - We had our first appointment with our PE. She measured and weighed him (121 cm) and then scheduled an appointment for April for a 3 month follow-up height check. That was the first step. {Very anti-climactic!}

April 2016 - when measure and weighed, he lost .5 lbs and was 120.7 cm. (They did 3 height and weight checks each time!) Due to the lack of growth, he failed the 3 month check and the next step was an 8 hour growth hormone test that he had to be an inpatient for. (This was the appointment where the PE first mentioned the possibility of a pituitary tumor. There will be more on this in a minute.)

May 27, 2016 - the 8 hour test at Summerlin Hospital. We had to be there by 7:00. We sat until 8:40 when they came in to start his IV and access to draw blood. (They had to have 2 ports in case one failed because of the type of test it was.) They took a baseline grown hormone lab (2.1) and then administered the medication. They then did a blood draw at 60 and 90 minutes post medication (.7, and 3.7). Then they did IV administration of arginine over the course of an hour. Then they did a blood draw at 30, 60, and 90. (10.2, 3.0, and 1.7). At this point - 2 pm - he was finally able to eat (the entirety of the test had your be done while fasting. No food after midnight the night before.) He ordered a pretty big meal from the hospital! Hot dog, Mac & Cheese, dinner roll, can of  Coke, and a vanilla milkshake. He was such a trooper. Due to the 10.2, they consider him as have passed this test. This means his diagnosis was Idiopathic Short Stature (ISS) instead of Growth Hormone Deficiency (GHD). This diagnosis would make it hard for us to get approval from our insurance for the growth hormone medication. {Side note here: while they were administering the arginine, he fell asleep. This is the first time since he was 2 that he napped during the day. That's just not Nate. I was terrified and the nurse could see that. She had the doctor call and talk me down a cliff explaining that it's quite normal for the kids to fall asleep during the administration of the arginine.}

May 30, 2016 - I received a call from the PE informing me that he passed the test and she was worried that he had a pituitary tumor. During our appointment in April she went into great detail about this concern including the treatment plan, as she was sure this was his problem. We had to do the 8 hour test before our insurance would approve a sedated MRI. Now that he "passed" the test, a tumor was even more likely and we scheduled the sedated MRI.

June 22, 2016 - the date of our sedated MRI. The staff was amazing and he was such a trooper. They gave him the pill to take and he played Skip-Bo on my phone sitting in my lap while we waited for the meds to kick in. Having him sit on my lap and drift off to sleep was the most unexpected blessing. My emotions had been all over the place and being able to just hold him was much needed. The nurses left me alone for a few minutes as I sat there with tears streaming down my face praying with everything that I had that it wasn't a tumor. I didn't want to be strong enough for the Lord to allow us to wade through the waters of that trial.  They gave him headphones and let him pick the station as they did the MRI. The nurses said he was the best kid they had ever had. He didn't move a single muscle, but was awake the whole time, just listening to music.

June 30, 2016 - I received a phone call from the PE. Here is our conversation: PE. "The good news is that his pituitary is perfect." Me: "Okay, what's the bad news?" PE: "what makes you think there's bad news?" Me: "The only time a conversation starts with 'the good news is' is when there is also bad news that follows.  There's bad news, right?" PE: "Well, yes.  He has a Chiari Malformation. It's actually quite a big one and we aren't sure why it hasn't been caught before. You'll need to see a Pediatric Neurosurgeon to be cleared to continue the growth hormone course we are on."

As I tried to digest and research what a Chiari Malformation was, I also tried not to lose it at the thought of being referred to a Pediatric Neurosurgeon (referred to as PNS for the remainder of the blog post.) That is a very scary reality. When Kennie was diagnosed with epilepsy and referred to a neurologist, I was okay. A neurosurgeon is a whole different ballgame. While doing my research, I heard from MANY sources that the PNS here in Vegas wouldn't deal with you unless you were willing to do surgery. (For those unaware of what exactly a Chiari Malformation is, it is a condition in which brain tissue extends into the spinal canal, present at birth.) I wasn't willing to jump on the surgery train unless it was necessary, so I turned to family for help. Aaron's dad has worked with many doctors throughout his career at DMBA and he mentioned a PNS that worked out of the University of Utah hospital that specializes in Chiari's. We made an appointment with him that would overlap a visit to Utah and continued to pray for guidance in this whole process.

August 11, 2016 -  Our appointment with Dr. Brockmeyer was amazing! I am SO impressed with his ability to comfort the scared parents yet at the same time provide an environment where the children are comfortable. {I guess that's why he's the Division Chief of the Pediatric Neurosurgery Program at the University of Utah!} I am SUPER grateful that Aaron's mom accompanied me to this appointment because I was a nervous wreck!! He was shocked and amazed that Nate hadn't had many symptoms. His Chiari is moderate (at 7 mm) and he's had it since birth. {Maybe this was the source of his non-stop crying until he was 9 months old....} He commented that he'd never had a patient with a Chiari 5 or larger without symptoms. {Nate has 1 occasional symptom.  When he has a head cold or URI he will have pain when he coughs or sneezes.  This is caused by the increase in cranial pressure.} We decided not to operate due to the lack of symptoms and just monitor the Chiari. He did clear Nate for us to continue the growth hormone treatment. (I will do a follow-up post with the events of our flight home that day. Oh. My. Heck. Talk about a stressful day...it was the day that didn't want to end!) I'd like to share one thing that I LOVE about Dr. Brockmeyer. He is one of the only neurosurgeons in the world that is doing active research involving Chiari Malformations. Nate and I both had a DNA & blood panel that will be tested and evaluated looking for explanations on how and why Chiari's appear and if there is any preventative measures that can be taken.

November 22, 2016 - Pivotal appointment with the PE. Due to the length of time with no growth (123 cm), Nate's diagnosis was changed from ISS to GHD. This was big!! Immediately our insurance approved the growth hormone therapy instead of denying it as they had done with the ISS diagnosis. I was prepared to fight them to approve the treatment, but was relieved that I didn't have to fight for this! From this point, things happened pretty quick!(Picture to the left taken this day. He had grown less than 2 cm and gained less than a pound in 1 year period.)

December 2016 - I received the Norditropin (Growth Hormone medication) in the mail, but needed to wait until we could get a nurse here to give us the 4-1-1 on how this all works.

January 13, 2017 - Our meeting with the injection therapy nurse. (Norditropin is a pen similar to insulin that is injected per dosage instructions.) She was GREAT!!! Nate connected with her immediately and wouldn't stop talking. I just sat back and let him run the show. Many question the freedom I give my kids when it comes to medical decisions. I am of the opinion that they are the only ones that know the way they feel and I refuse to take away their ability to control that. I have gone the rounds with physicians regarding the denial or insistence of treatment based solely on the go ahead from my kids. (Again, more on this later!) Nate has run the show when it comes to his medical care since the age of 4 and his ADHD diagnosis. It is not my job to determine what he feels, but it IS my job to advocate for him in his health. Our home nurse went through a bunch of information on the way to care for the medication, prepare his body each time, and the ins and outs of the actual injection. It was SO neat to see him advocate for his health and take responsibility for the entirety of the situation. This was the first day of his injections. I believe between then and now he has missed 2 days. Pretty great for a 10 year old if you ask me!  He gives himself the shot everyday (I have only done it once) and has become a pro!

One of the side effects of Norditropin is elevated blood sugars. This was a huge concern to me as my brother was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of 14. When he was taken to the doctor for a stomach ache, his sugar level was 836. Upon hearing this information, the PE agreed with me and we decided to do a fasting sugar test each morning. This would help us gauge his response to the medication.

January 20, 2017 - This is the day we started sugar testing. The goal was for his sugar level under 100 (fasting). We did testing for 35 days, and of the 35 days, he was only under 100 ten times, with his highest reading being 152.

February 2017 - We did a repeat bone age x-ray. This came back with a bone age of 72 months (He was 128 months at the time).

March 20, 2017 - Follow-up check with PE. GREAT NEWS - Nate grew 1 inch and gained 3 pounds in 4 months. (It took him 18 months to grow his last inch!) She was significantly concerned by his elevated blood sugars and performed an A1C in the office (result of 4.8%). She ordered thyroid testing as well as a Insulin-like growth factor. His TSH was slightly elevated (4.7) and his IGF was 126.  (Normal for a 10 year old is 97-407).
(Note - in looking at the ranges for the IGF, even someone under 1 year old could have an IGH result of 126 and still be in the normal range.)

That brings us to date. I am currently working with the PE to decide if we should up his growth hormone amount, but for now we are in a routine AND seeing progress. We are cautiously optimistic in his response to the medication. I will be eternally grateful for those who have listened to me, held me while I cried, and were strong when I no longer could be.  

Many have asked how long Nate will have to continue treatment. The short answer is 8ish years.  The long answer is that we will check his progress in 2 years and if we are pleased with his response, we will continue treatment. If not, we will stop. (Strange - right?) The plan is to continue the growth hormone injections until he reaches a bone age of 14 (or 168 months).

Thanks for hanging in! I know that was a lot and I have probably lost everyone! I needed somewhere that would hold the details and feelings of this time. Some of it is housed in my journal, but I haven't been super consistent about writing (I am trying to be better) and needed it all in one place. Throughout the few days it has taken me to record this information, I have come up with some things that I want to remember as well as some things that I want Nate to remember.

• The passion in which you live your life.
• The strength and fortitude that you had as you faced down each and every trial you encountered.
• The way you felt as you fell asleep in my arms waiting for the MRI.
• The look in your eyes as you silently looked to me for assurance and comfort.
• The way you stood up to others when they teased and mocked you, but then dissolved in tears the minute you walked into my arms. 
• The way you tease and joke in order to mask the hurt you feel.
• That he has a purpose on this Earth.  He is indeed a child of a loving Father in Heaven.  He loves Nate even more than I do, and although it's hard for us to comprehend, that is truth.
• How at times I felt so alone and then at other times felt surrounded by angels!
• Each day that I have with him is truly a gift.
• How easy it is for him to make you smile one minute and then the next minute your fuming!
• How facing this trial together has drawn us closer and my heart is bursting with love!    

Thanks for hanging in through all that. Whatever battle you are fighting, know that while you may be alone - you are never alone!! If you feel you can't lean on those around you, I KNOW that there are many people supporting you that you can't see. I have felt the strength that only they can provide. There were times that I was sustained through these angels. If you are struggling and need someone - I am always up for a phone conversation or lunch (for those in Vegas!) There are people would want to love and support you!  The hardest part is reaching out.

I'll leave you with a bit of humor.  This has been our motto around here!

To those who speak out against the church, or those who struggle!

I recently read a post here. Articles like this make me very upset. I absolutely support an individuals right to study, investigate, pray and reach THEIR own conclusion.  What I do NOT support is the writing of opinion as truth to spread lies and provide false truths to those who are on their own search for truth.  

The church doesn't buy property just to get wealthy.  They build temples, churches, and other facilities to provide places of worship and assistance (or refuge), for the poor as well as the wealthy. They send quick aid to places that have been devastated by disaster.  The "poor" as she points out pay tithing and fast offerings, are blessed for doing so, AND they are not forced.  They do so willingly.  

Do NOT assume, for even one minute, that members of this church are blindly following in order to be guaranteed a spot in Heaven.  I am educated.  I am my own person and have an obligation to seek confirmation of the church and it's teachings!!  I will concede that many blindly follow the leaders, or are members of the church based on what they can get from the church.  However, that is not encouraged within our church.  EVERY member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has an obligation to study, ponder, pray, and fast about what we ready in the scriptures, what the prophets teach us, and what we hear others say.  The Holy Ghost will testify of the truth.  

There will be times when we don't understand the answer.  There will be things we don't understand or aren't supposed to know.  I have received MY OWN witness that this is okay.  There are many that are unsure of what they think and feel or aren't strong enough to stand on their own b beliefs against the storms of the world.  Articles like the one I referenced above, that are based on opinion and not fact, do a grave disservice to those people.  If you are one of these people, I implore you to stick to fact and not what disgruntled prior members of the church.  There are  millions of members of this church that are willing to testify of their knowledge and to help you to gain YOUR OWN testimony.  Not the opinion or testimony of someone else.  We are not alone and we are not comfortless.

This isn't to say that our lives are easy.  If you only knew the half of what the last 3 1/2 years have been like, you would understand that easy is the antonym of my life.  However, I am not alone nor have I been left comfortless.  Did you read my blog about my word of the year?  (If not, you can find it here.)  Also, did you listen to Elder Holland's talk this last conference?  (You can find it here.)  I can easily argue that this was a DIRECT answer to my prayers.  I posted about singing my song months before this conference.  I went into this last conference with questions related to my word Sing, and they were answer.  In both obvious as well as hidden ways.  Ways that my heart (with help from the Spirit) were able to make clear and testify of.  It's these moments that make the difficulties and challenges we face SEEM smaller and more insignificant.  In actuality, are they smaller?  No. We have just been made stronger in Heavenly Aid which makes the burdens seem lighter.  

Stay steadfast my friends.  We are not alone.  We have been given much in this life to celebrate.  We have a church with perfect doctrine led by imperfect beings.  Was Moses perfect?  No, he questioned the Lord's choice in him because of his slow speech.  Was Peter perfect?  No, he denied the Lord three times.  Our prophets, apostles, and leaders of this church ARE going to make mistakes, and we need to allow them the grace of the Atonement to right their wrongs, just as we do in our imperfect state.  If you are struggling and need help, please find a way to reach out to me.  I will do what is within my power to strengthen, uplift, and empower you.  We are all here to help each other!

Thank you!

I was really hesitant to publish my letter to the women who marched.  I was afraid that I would lose friends.  I didn't want to, but I am tired of letting my fear hold me back from being who I want to be.  People that love and support me should want me to be my true self and even if they disagree with me, will hopefully support me and allow me to share my opinion, even if it is not one they agree with.  If you read the letter and my opinion isn't one you agree with, thank you for not being rude and disrespectful, and not unfriending me.  I actually made a note of how many friends I had before the letter was posted and as of today, I am only one friend down (and that friend deleted their Facebook account!)  I really believe there is a place out there for all of us to share what we believe.

As I sit at the computer, I am pretty overcome with emotion.  These last 8 weeks of following the promptings to sing my song has allowed some amazing experiences in my life.  I have been prompted to reach out to several different people who have touched me over the course of my life, mostly the last little bit, and especially during some very difficult and challenging times.  Moments when the thoughts of giving up were louder than the ones to fight.  It is amazing to see how the Lord truly loves us.  My contact with these friends was always through the mail.  Some have responded with a text or phone call, and a few have even mailed something back! Many have commented on the timing, and of how they needed to hear the (incredibly) sappy words I wrote or the pictures that were included and the reminder that there are people cheering them on.  Sometimes we need words and sometimes no words need to be said.  The Lord does all the work!

I have also had many comment on my word of the year, sing.  I have had such fun with this, you have NO idea!  My word really chose me.  Many have said their word chose them too.  I love it.  Please, if this is the case with you, SHARE IT WITH ME!  I love it.  I love spending my time reading and celebrating this instead of wasting my time on Instagram or Facebook, promise!!

One parting thought - listen to the little voice that tells you to do something kind.  Send a note to someone, text a friend you haven't talked to for a while, call someone you are thinking about, drop by some cookies (or a loaf of bread like my awesome neighbor Mandy!).  It may be so little, but it really can be something huge.  Those thoughts are there for a reason.  You are receiving those thoughts for a reason..  They are meant for you to act, not to ignore.  We are each others angels here on Earth.  Please don't forget that.

Thank you for allowing me to sing my song.  Thank you for being gracious, loving, and kind.  Being in the Air Force has been such an adventure, but the best gift is that it has allowed me to CHOOSE my family!

Dear women who chose to march -

I have had many thoughts running through my head the last 72 hours, many regarding the Women’s March.  I laid in bed Sunday night for hours with sleep evading me.  I just couldn’t shut my brain down.  I decided I needed to record my thoughts on paper. So, this is me looking fear in the face and singing my song! 

To My Fellow Sisters,

Please know how grateful I am that you have the freedom to march for something you believe in.  However, let it be reflected that you did NOT march for all women!  I have read the open letter to women saying that you marched for me even though I didn’t want you to, and you were happy to do so.  Let me again clearly state – you DID NOT march for me.  Let me explain why.

No law they may pass or repeal in Washington, no speech that is given, and no protest that will take place can change one very powerful fact – I am a daughter of a King!  Being the daughter of a king is something that I take very serious, and one that comes with responsibilities.  I treat others the way He would want me to treat them, even if they don’t treat me the same way.  If I want people to respect me, I must dress, speak, and act respectful.  However, one thing that is often missed, is that the first step is to respect myself.  I am free to make my own choices, as are you.  We are NOT free to choose the consequences from those choices.

  As I view some of the pictures from your march, I am mortified that someone could think for one minute that I am one of you.  You have chosen to associate yourselves with one another.  I wonder now if you doubt your decision to join in this crusade.    Look at these pictures.  Look at what you have identified yourself as.  You’re proud to be one of the “nasty women” who make history?  (Please know that I realize that women were marching for a variety of different issues.  I will only discuss a few of them in this letter.)



Next, look at this picture I came across:

For the record – I pay attention and I am angry!  I’m angry that you are marching and some of you don’t even know understand what you are marching for.  You think you’re marching for the right to make decisions that concern your body.  (The two that I have heard most is the decision on birth control and abortion.)  If you were paying attention, you would realize that you aren’t losing your ability to have birth control or the choice to have an abortion.  What you are at risk of losing is the right that you currently have for ME to pay for your birth control and abortion.   That is not a right that you should have.  I consider myself a fairly liberal member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  While I do not personally believe that abortion is a choice that should be made, I do believe that you have the right to do with your body what you want.  Abortion was legalized in 1973 with the Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court decision.  I do not for one minute think that Mr. Trump carries enough power to reverse this decision.  If that was the case, I would support you in your march.  However, that is not the case! 

What I really want to know is why you think it’s okay to make the choice to put yourself in a position where you are pregnant and suddenly you no longer wish to live with the consequence from your actions? So now you look to me to pay the price to remove that consequence from you.  Maybe, if you were required to pay for the mistakes that you make, there would be a little more thought before you make that choice.  You want to hold Mr. Trump responsible, however, you need to take a good look in the mirror.  You need to be responsible for yourself before you can hold anyone else responsible.  I’m pretty sure Mr. Trump (or Mr. Obama) were not present during the time these actions occurred.    

Another thing that I really boils my blood –  I saw several signs stating that our current president is “Not my president.”  Well, here’s a bit of truth for you.  He really is your president.  You may not have voted for him {and to be real – I didn’t want to vote for him}, but if you are a citizen of the United States, he is your president.  You are welcome to make him not your president, but that would require you to leave the United States and find your home somewhere else.  No one is stopping you from doing that.  Again, that’s a choice that only you can make. 

Under Mr. Obama, many got comfortable receiving a fair amount of support from the government.  Statistics show that at the conclusion of Mr. Obama’s presidency, the United States had a record number of people receiving government assistance.  Before you lash out, I am aware that some of the people on government assistance really need the help.  However, I personally know many that could have taken steps to better their situation, however, they were comfortable in their assistance, and so they did nothing.  I also know many that work very hard for their families and yet still require some government assistance. 

Are you angry because you are now going to have to make changes in your life in order to provide for your family?  I LOVE the idea of having to pass a drug test to receive any sort of government aid.  I LOVE the idea of holding individuals responsible for their welfare.  There are no free passes in this life.

As I have looked at the many benefits I have as a women in this country, I am not treated equal.  I am treated better.  My husband opens my car door.  I don’t think I have ever opened the door for him.  Do you ever wonder why we, as women, don’t open the door for them?  It’s a way for them to show us respect.  The same applies to opening a building door, pulling out your chair, and frankly, paying the check on the first date.  I wonder if you would be so insistent to be equal if you had to pay for all those first or second dates you went on.  I wonder if you would be so loud in your resistance if you were fired as easy as some of the men.  The hard truth is that white men have the least amount of protection in this country.  If a woman is fired, there has to be hard documentation to support the employer’s decision.  The same truth applies to anyone with an ethnic background. 

My final thought is this: do not assume for one minute that you speak for more than just yourself.  That is the grand part of being an American.  If I believed in your quest, I would have joined.  You can only speak for yourself.  Don’t take away my right to speak as a women.  I am hoping that the next few years brings a positive change in America.  As I watch the news, I am terrified by what I see.  We have retreated back into a time when we viewed people as black vs. white or male vs. female.  We are AMERICANS.  That is the most important label that we can wear right now.  If we fail to unite together, we will only destroy this great country that I love.

Blog Change & Warning

Hello friends -

It has been a while.  Not quite 2 years like last time, but still, a while.  I wanted to explain the new blog as well as give you a chance to jump ship.  I have decided to do something different this year.  I signed up for the One Little Word yearlong workshop.  There are a series of activities to help you understand your word and apply it to your life.  Sound crazy?  Maybe.  I never claimed to be sane.

My 2017 OLW* is SING.  Let me explain.  In September, I ventured to Arlington Texas where I attended a TOFW with some of my favorite people.  One of the talks pierced my heart.  I could easily say that my word, sing, chose me.  The talk was given by Sandra Turley.  I have heard her speak before and in 2013 she directly answered the question burning in my heart.  Side track with me for one minute - One thing that she said that was amazing is this: "Be worth knowing rather than well known."  She also quoted Rob Garner saying "God gave us voices so we must sing."  We can read Mother Mary's Psalm in Luke Chapter 1.  Sandra asked us what our Psalm or song would sound like.  It was then that I realized that as we live our life, we are writing our life song.  What good is a song if it sits on a shelf, unsung and unplayed?  It is no good.  So, this year, I will sing my song.  

I have been fearful in the past to sing my song.  Why?  I don't want to sound like I am bragging, seeking attention, upstaging, or downplaying others.  I was afraid others would feel inferior after hearing my story.  One quick example - Aaron recently received an award at work.  He works extremely hard and it was SO fabulous seeing him receive recognition for his devotion and dedication to his job and his patients.  I found my self afraid of someone getting their feelings hurt or think  that I think any less of them because they didn't get an award or recognition.  I hope this makes sense.  I feel like I am just rambling.  

I also am fearful that my thoughts and opinions that contradict yours will be seen as forceful and ignorant.  We don't have to share the same opinions on everything to be friends.  There are things that I feel strongly about and you feel very strongly about the opposite side of that same scenario.  I support and love you for who you are and by doing so, support your right to voice your opinion.  We still remain friendly and supportive.  Please support my choice to voice my opinion.  By doing so, it does NOT lessen my support of you and your rights.  It's just my feelings and beliefs.  

I am giving you an opportunity to jump ship, or change the station, if you don't want to hear my song.  My feelings won't be hurt.  I just refuse to let my fear dictate my thoughts and actions.  I will not let fear win!  By me sharing our accomplishments, activities, everyday life, and hard times, please remember this - I am not putting you down or trying to lift myself up.  I am simply sharing my story.  The amazing thing about this life is success and happiness is not like a pie.  With a pie, there is only so much to go around.  That is not the case with success and happiness.  It's like air.  There is plenty to go around.  I have a challenge for you - share your song.  Not just with me but the world.

You may notice that the blog name has changed.  The former blog - The Lewis Dudes - was created before Little Miss Maggie was born or even a twinkle in our eye.  {That was 8 years ago}  She came into our lives and I just could never come up with a blog name that I felt fit.  Well, I have found it now.  Sassy's Song.  This blog will serve several purposes.  I will share the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I will share successes of my husband and kids {and sometimes me}, I will share my thoughts and feelings of things going on in the world (I have a post already brewing in my mind!}, I will share the struggles that I face, and I will testify of things I know to be true.

Friends, we can believe different things and still be friends.  That is the beauty of living in America.  I support you.  I want you to be happy.  I want to make myself happy.  The way that I am going to do that this year is to sing my song.  One of my favorite things about the thought of singing my song is that often there is more than one voice singing a song.  There is harmony and blending.  That is you.  You can help me sing my song, and at the same time, sing yours.  A song is a beautiful thing.  I cry at songs more than I do anything else.  Songs can provoke SO much emotion in a short period of time.  A good song can bring the spirit into my heart faster than anything else.

I leave you with one final thought.  During Sandra Turley's talk, she said this - "We must not be swayed and we must NOT be silent."  Your being silent doesn't benefit anyone.  Please join me in choosing to SING!

*{OLW} = One Little Word - this will probably be seen throughout the 2017 year.

Wow - 2 years!!

So, it's been quite some time.  Right?  At least two years.  About 5 months ago I decided to deactivate my Facebook account.  I was sick of the negativity and politics involved.  If I wanted negativity, I need look no farther than my life.  If I wanted politics, I only needed to turn on the news.  These last 5 months have been eye opening.  At first, I missed it.  I missed knowing what everyone was doing and thinking.  That was quickly replaced with prepping for our move, enjoying the kids, and enjoying our last little bit in San Diego. 

The lesson I have learned the last 5 months is something that I have been taught many different ways throughout my lifetime.  We have a set amount of time.  We have a choice as to what to do with that time.  Instead of being addicted to social media, I find myself making a much better choice.  I spend my time working on homework, being present with my kids, reading my scriptures more, and really finding out who I am again.  It's been a long time since I did that.  I am even looking forward to scrapbooking again!!

So - here is a catch up of what we are all up to now!

As a family - we are now living in Las Vegas.  That is the biggest news!  We have rented a home in North Las Vegas and are enjoying our 2900+ square feet compared to our 1700 square feet.  We have a real functioning dishwasher and a kitchen that can fit more than 1 person!!

Aaron -  He finished his fellowship in gastroenterology at Balboa Medical Center in San Diego.  We figured out that we have spent more time at a Navy base than at an Air Force base now.  He thoroughly enjoyed his fellowship.  He met and got to know some of the greatest people in the gastroenterology world.  He was recently called as the ward organist in our new ward.  This will present a challenge to him because it's a pipe organ and he hasn't had much practice on that.  There is no magic button on this organ that will play the pedal for him - so he really has to play!

Sassy - She is still continuing her education as a student at BYU-Idaho in the Health Care Management field.  She is close to finishing up her Sophomore year and looks forward to taking classes in her chosen major.  She is enjoying the extra 1200 square feet that we have in our house in Vegas.  There still seem to be some pesky boxes, but as soon as school starts they should disappear.  She looks forward for school to start so she can resume her exercise routine at the gym since it's too hot to run outside in Vegas.  At least during the summer.  She has no runs planned for now but is looking for something to sign up for.

Kennie - He turned 12 in August and received the Aaronic Priesthood.  We are so incredibly proud of the young man he is turning in to.  He enjoyed going back to San Diego for Boy Scout camp at Fiesta Island a week after we signed the papers for our house.  We won't talk about the crickets he ate or the snake he had around his neck.  He about caused Sassy to have a heart attack!  He will be starting 8th grade this month and is excited to be the top dog in middle school.   He is becoming more aware of the consequences of his choices and is trying to hard to do what is right!

Justin promoted from the 5th grade in June and will be starting middle school.  He still lives and breathes sports but can't decide what sport he wants to play this fall.  He is hoping to play baseball in the spring but is looking forward for the football season to start!  He is bummed that no one plays outside in Vegas.  He can't quite wrap his head around the fact that there is never anyone outside riding their bikes or messing around in the street.  There are quite a few boys at church that are his same age and he has enjoyed getting to know them.  He was super excited to redo his own room in Seahawks colors.  He, more than anyone else, enjoys that we live in a 5 bedroom house.  This means that all the kids get their own room. 

Nate still struggles with being the 3rd boy.  He is always trying to find his place.  He is not quite old enough (or tall enough) to keep up with the big boys but doesn't want to hang with Maggie.  He is quite perturbed that he is 47.5 inches.  All the cool rides and attractions require you to be 48 inches to ride.  We have stopped his ADHD medication for the reminder of the summer hoping to grow that last half an inch and a few more pounds.  (He is underweight for football.)  He still fights to play Nook instead of read, but once he gets into a book - he can't put it down.  He too is enjoying his own room {and loves that next to the master, his room is the biggest} until it comes to bed time.  Then he doesn't like to be alone.  He will be starting the 4th grade and is excited to be the top kid in the family at the elementary school

Maggie is still the princess but walks around like she is the queen.  She is the one kid that didn't want to share a room - but is realizing that she will probably always have her own room, since she is the only girl.  She still loves all things pink and sparkle!!  She has it in her mind that she is the little mom in all things.  She recently spent a few days with our friends and loved being the oldest.  She kept begging to stay another day.  The boys were all getting along so well without her that we let her stay with friends.  Sure enough - not 5 minutes after she arrived back home they were all fighting.  She also loves watching Veggie Tales and anything Princess.  She's excited to be starting 2nd grade but wishes that we were back in San Diego.  Of everyone, she has taken the move to Vegas the hardest.  She misses all her friends back in San Diego.  Hopefully once we get into school and a routine, she will be able to create a similar life here. 

During our time in San Diego we added a whole lot of friends to our Christmas Card list.  It was so difficult to leave our awesome neighborhood and the built in support system that we had there.  Gone are our impromtu neighborhood get togethers with all the kids playing Manhunt!  Gone is the perfect weather. 

We welcome any and all visitors to Las Vegas.  Our phone numbers haven't changed so look us up if your in the area.  We can be your visit away from the strip!  That's it for now - and hopefully it will be less than 2 years before I post again!