Mary Did You Know?

This has been on my heart for a few weeks now. Hopefully writing them here will help me to learn what I need and help those out there that need to here this.

Mary Did You Know is one of my all time favorite Christmas Songs. This song has come to mean even more to me after the year we have had around here. As I have tried to be the mother my children needed during their struggles, the scripture found in Luke 2:19. "And Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart." I imagine her laying there in the hay with Jesus cradled in her arms. I remember what it was like being a new mother. While I didn't lay in the hay, I do remember cradling my baby and wondering what life was going to be for them. What would they want to do with their life?

Thinking about the song, we don't know what Mary was told or understood. I can't help but think that even if she was told, she couldn't have comprehended all that HER son would go through in his life. I'm sure she had moments throughout where she caught glimmers of understanding. We call those AHA moments, right? When we look back and things that we went through made sense all of a sudden, why all steps were needed.

I'm between AHA moments right now. Watching as my children struggle through the challenges they are faced with and feeling powerless is the worst feeling. There is absolutely nothing I can do to take their pain away. I hope that I have adequately taught them to turn to the Savior. That He can make them stronger through their trials. At this moment, I am doubting that I did enough. Did I teach them well enough? Did I do all that I could when I had the power to do it? All that I have left is my prayers for them, and while there is nothing more powerful that the prayer of a mother, it feels oh so lacking. 

If your kids are younger, please teach them. I know that it seems there is so much to do, but let the dishes sit and spend time reading from the scriptures or sharing stories of understanding from your own life. The dishes will wait, they will not be teachable forever.

Giants & Grasshoppers

Moses selects twelve spies, one from each tribe. They are sent on a mission to the Promised Land to learn the challenges they would face and the situation they would walk into. They were also asked to evaluate what type of farming options were available. This mission took them 40 days. (Numbers 13-14)

When they returned, they reported to Moses, Aaron, and the children of Israel. 10 of the spies told one story and the other two had a different idea. All 12 reported walls around the city, milk and honey in abundance, and large fruit. However, there was a difference in their perception of the people that were currently dwelling there. The 2 said that they had what they needed to “overcome” the people. However, the 10 reported that they were great in stature. They called the people giants, and then compared themselves to grasshoppers. After a night of crying and murmuring, the 10 convince the people to not confront the people in the Promised Land.

Then comes my favorite part of this story. The Lord goes to Moses and asks how long until the children of Israel believe me. Not believe IN me, but believe me. I am sure they believed in God. They had seen the miracles before they were free, including the parting of the Red Sea. Those miracles are hard to deny. However, the Lord asks, how long until they believe me. I wonder if he asks us the same question. We fret with the challenges we are asked to face. Does He ask himself how long until we believe Him. How often do we get in our own way and render ourselves spiritually paralyzed in our situations?

Are we believers? I found an amazing song by Calee Reed that portrays my thoughts on this subject. 

Believer

Help me to be the believer that I want to be

Want the things you want for me

When I’m lost along the way

Help me find patience in the moments

When it’s hard to see

Your hand guiding me

Help me get out of my own way

O Lord, help me believe

Help me to be the believer that I want to be 

Feel the things you feel for me

When the feeling doesn’t stay

Help me to see the things I don’t want to see

As your hand showing me

Help me Lord, I pray 

Oh Lord

Help me believe 

Give place to the voice that always questions 

Give voice to the pain, the fear, the doubt

Give way to the moments I am faithless 

I can’t let you I 

If I shut them out

Help me to be the believer that I want to be 

Give the things You’ve given me

The words You’d have me say

Help me to walk this path

That You’ve set for me

Help me walk with steady feet 

Help me get out of my own way 

Oh Lord

Help me believe

Help me to be the believer that I want to be

Want the things you want for me

When I’m lost along the way

Help me find patience in the moments

When it’s hard to see

Your hand guiding me

Help me get out of my own way

Oh Lord

Oh Lord 

Help me believe

What do you need to do to become the Believer that would follow the two? An interesting fact - the children of Israel wandered in the wilderness until the 10 spies that were wrong died. They never had the chance to enter the Promised Land. Can we believe?

Putting on the Armor (long post warning)

As I sit here unable to go to church (sitting with a friends daughter so her and her husband can attend church together), I am reflecting on an aha moment I had earlier this week at a lunch with a good friend. The conversation turned to the challenges our kids face.  How they are so different from the challenges that we faced as we were growing up. 

A truth that no one can dispute – the day that our children live in (no matter our circumstance or place in life) is different than the life we lived. I was talking to her about the criticism that I have received about the way that I choose to parent my children.** This is where the aha moment came.  In Ephesians, 6:11, we are told to “put on the WHOLE armour of God, that ye m ay be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.” (Emphasis added) You’ve heard this before, right?  This isn’t new doctrine.  It is my job, as a parent, to make sure my children have the armor of God. However, so many people (myself included) don’t put these two things together.  The armor of God and the changing world. For many years, I was arming my children for the battles that I faced as a child/teenager. It makes sense that with the changing of the world comes the changing of the armor that is needed for the battle. 

Today, the battles that are fought (bother literal and spiritual) are not fought or protected against like the battles that were waged even 5 or 10 years ago. Providing our children armor for battles that were previously fought is setting them up to fail.  I do understand that some of the battles that are faced today are similar to those fought years ago, and we will continue to fight them until the end of time.  Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual) is one that unfortunately will not ever disappear.  I understand that we need to still teach/warn/arm our children for this type of battle.  However, there is a HUGE battle that is fought today that was only seen by prophets 20+ years ago.  The internet provides a unique challenge.  The direction that media has taken is different. The attack on the family has intensified to an unimaginable level.

One example, I remember going to school and hearing swear words. Today, the schools are FILLED with vulgar language.  Hearing my children tell me how uncomfortable makes my mom heart hurt yet rejoice at the same time.  I hurt because they are exposed to this day in and day out.  I rejoice because they are still uncomfortable, which means the armor I am giving them is not letting them become desensitized by what they are hearing. (Before I get comments about homeschooling my kids to avoid this – I have prayed about this.  I feel that right now, for US, the best place for them to be is in school. I will (and have) pulled them out of school and taught them at home because that was what I know as a parent I was supposed to do!)

A quick story about language: We have one young man that we go to church with. He is over 16 years of age and attends the high school we are zoned for.  He is afraid to get his wisdom teeth out because he is terrified of what is going to come out of his mouth while he is under anesthesia.  Not because he is a bad kid with a bad mouth, but he hears so much of it at school that he can’t help but have those words in his thoughts.  This might seem silly to you, but the thought of speaking that way is terrifying to him.

While it is true that we didn’t have to use this armor to fight our battles, we were not sent into this battle alone.  We have a loving Heavenly Father that will guide and help us with this, IF we ask.  It is a scary thing to think about sending our kids out into this world, but with His help, we can arm them adequately. I have talked to so many people that are intimidated by what this job entails, that they don’t know where to start.  I don’t claim to be an expert on parenting, but I do have a bit of experience in this armor department.  When my oldest was 10, he was working on a vocabulary list for homework.  He had to find an image for each of his definition words.  He was searching google images.  He put in a completely INNOCENT word in and a pornographic image showed up.  I remember hearing him slam the computer closed (I was ticked – he’s going to break the computer…I think he wishes he would have broken it) and run upstairs to me in my room.  I was recovering from surgery and was completely unprepared for what happened.  He was 10!!!  He sat on my bed and told me what had happened and that he didn’t know what to do. 

(I’ll pause at this point in the story and tell you that I was not prepared.  The first thing you need to do as a parent is PREPARE for these situations.  They ARE going to happen. Hope and pray that their first response is to come to you and talk to you.)

I 100% relied on the Lord to guide me in this situation.  I am thankful I was living the way I should so I could have guidance with this.  I told him that I was not the “driver of this car ride” that he was now on.  I didn’t see what he saw, but that I was sorry he was put in this position.  I told him we could sing a Primary song, read a scripture, pray, talk about how he felt, do all of them, or do nothing.  It was up to him. I would support him in anything he chose to do. He chose to sing a primary song and say a prayer.  It’s been 4 years since this happened and there are times that I still hear him humming this primary song. (We picked a less popular one because I didn’t want the song to be a trigger for his memory.) I know that he is using this to combat temptation. For about a year, he would occasionally come to me and talk about how he was feeling and so discouraged that this image was never going to leave his mind.  Guess what?  This image will NEVER be erased from his mind. Never.  While that is so hard to grasp, it is reality and we have dealt with it the best way we know how.

Other than be prepared, here is my #1 piece of advice – CREATE a relationship with your kids.  With other people’s kids.  With your nieces and nephews.  BE the person that they will come to. This isn’t the only situation where I have learned that the relationship that I created with my kids is the most important thing that I can do to provide them armor.  They know that NO MATTER WHAT, they can come to me. I will not judge, nor criticize.  I will always be their safe place, their excuse to friends, and their biggest cheerleader. More than once I have had one of my boys text me asking me to call them and tell them I needed them home.  Nothing makes me happier. I know we don’t want our kids in those situations, but guess what? They WILL be in those situations. Do they know they can call you and ask for help? When I was a teenager, I didn’t feel I could go to my parents, so I turned to my Young Women’s Leaders. (See – it’s not just parents). I do realize that my kids are not going to come to me with everything.  I hope they do, but I am a realist. I encourage them to have adults that they trust that they feel they can talk to. John Bytheway calls them his “Board of Directors.” Sometimes kids need to hear the things their parents tell them from other adults. Then parents have a bit of credibility. (It truly does take a village!)

My kid’s friends know that I will be that person. I have spent more than one afternoon or late night talking to friends of my kids and comforting and helping the best I can. If something is discussed that I need to talk to their parents about, they 100% know that I am going to talk to their parents, but guess what? They secretly want that. They trust me enough to know when to go to their parents and know that I only want what’s best for them.

Also, my kids KNOW that I am going to be honest and open with them. When something bad happens, I want them to hear it from me first and be in a situation where they can ask questions and together we can talk about it. This means having some REALLY hard conversations. (Can you say Sandy Hook School shooting?) However, I have learned that kids know this stuff. They hear things and are very observant. I want them to hear it from me and not some kid on the playground. I have the ability to give them the facts. I also stress that they shouldn’t talk about it. They can stand up to someone when they hear things that are incorrect, but I make sure they know that not all parents want their kids knowing things. They know we need to allow other parents the opportunity to control what their kids know, but newsflash, you can’t control what they hear on the playground. At times this is hard.  Explaining to a 4 year old about the Sandy Hood shooting was awful. I wanted to shield her from that horrible truth. However, I am SO glad I did. The next time she was at preschool, one of the other kids was talking about it and saying things that were not true. She did as I taught her and told them that they didn’t have correct information and they needed to talk to their parents about it. (Imagine my 4 year old Maggie saying that – she said exactly that.) It is a hard world we live in and we cannot shelter or keep our kids from the truth.

As I said, I don’t have it figured out, and I am not good all the time. Anxiety and depression are real and extremely limiting. However, I felt very strongly that I needed to share this.  I appreciate the encouragement and sharing of advice from other parents. As I said before – we are truly a village. The only way to get through this is to help and lift one another. Please know – this is not directed and one person. This is just something that came to me and I haven’t been able to move my thoughts beyond this.  The battle is real, but we have what we need to fight it. The key is TO FIGHT!!  Don’t give up because it seems bigger than you can handle!

**Side note – the criticism of others doesn’t bother me.  It just simply exists.  I am completely comfortable with the fact that others don’t parent the same way that I parent, however, I TRY to not criticize other parents for their choices.  I only ask the same in return.  However, the criticism of others will NOT stop me from parenting the way that I KNOW I am supposed to parent my children.  

My land...

"And I, Nephi, did build a temple; and I did construct it after the manner of the temple of Solomon save it were not built of so man precious things; for they were not to be found upon the land, wherefore, it could not be built like unto Solomon's temple. But the manner of the construction was like unto the temple of Solomon; and the workmanship therof was exceedingly fine."

-2 Nephi 5:16-

Whether or not you believe in the Book of Mormon, this scripture ABSOLUTELY can apply to you. 

At first this can be a confusing scripture.  Nephi has broken off from his wicked brothers.  His people are establishing their homes and way of life.  Nephi tells us that they built a temple.  It was like Solomon's, except it wasn't, except it was, except it wasn't, and they liked it. Uh, okay.  

Upon closer inspection, we find that Nephi is telling us that he built a temple like the one that Solomon built.  It would have been better, as good as Solomon's, if they had been in a different place with different materials, but other than the materials - it was just like Solomon's.  

What is the significance behind it being just like Solomon's Temple?  In the Bible, there are exact directions for the temple.  Measurements, colors, trimmings, and materials to use.  Nephi, wanting to make a temple pleasing to the Lord, built according to these directions as closely as he could.

What does this mean for us?  We may not find ourselves on the land that we expected.  We may have hoped or planned for better circumstances, money, or even relationships. However, just because we may find ourselves in a different situation than we planned, we can still do/be something great.  Our specific faith aside, we all face life with all the twists and turns.  Things change and we can make ourselves adaptable and still create something great.  

Our challenge is just that: create something great.  Something that is "exceedingly fine" and pleasing to us.  There are few things in life that we can control, but we can control our attitude and how we respond to the things that happen to us in life.  My friends, please be happy!

To those who speak out against the church, or those who struggle!

I recently read a post here. Articles like this make me very upset. I absolutely support an individuals right to study, investigate, pray and reach THEIR own conclusion.  What I do NOT support is the writing of opinion as truth to spread lies and provide false truths to those who are on their own search for truth.  

The church doesn't buy property just to get wealthy.  They build temples, churches, and other facilities to provide places of worship and assistance (or refuge), for the poor as well as the wealthy. They send quick aid to places that have been devastated by disaster.  The "poor" as she points out pay tithing and fast offerings, are blessed for doing so, AND they are not forced.  They do so willingly.  

Do NOT assume, for even one minute, that members of this church are blindly following in order to be guaranteed a spot in Heaven.  I am educated.  I am my own person and have an obligation to seek confirmation of the church and it's teachings!!  I will concede that many blindly follow the leaders, or are members of the church based on what they can get from the church.  However, that is not encouraged within our church.  EVERY member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has an obligation to study, ponder, pray, and fast about what we ready in the scriptures, what the prophets teach us, and what we hear others say.  The Holy Ghost will testify of the truth.  

There will be times when we don't understand the answer.  There will be things we don't understand or aren't supposed to know.  I have received MY OWN witness that this is okay.  There are many that are unsure of what they think and feel or aren't strong enough to stand on their own b beliefs against the storms of the world.  Articles like the one I referenced above, that are based on opinion and not fact, do a grave disservice to those people.  If you are one of these people, I implore you to stick to fact and not what disgruntled prior members of the church.  There are  millions of members of this church that are willing to testify of their knowledge and to help you to gain YOUR OWN testimony.  Not the opinion or testimony of someone else.  We are not alone and we are not comfortless.

This isn't to say that our lives are easy.  If you only knew the half of what the last 3 1/2 years have been like, you would understand that easy is the antonym of my life.  However, I am not alone nor have I been left comfortless.  Did you read my blog about my word of the year?  (If not, you can find it here.)  Also, did you listen to Elder Holland's talk this last conference?  (You can find it here.)  I can easily argue that this was a DIRECT answer to my prayers.  I posted about singing my song months before this conference.  I went into this last conference with questions related to my word Sing, and they were answer.  In both obvious as well as hidden ways.  Ways that my heart (with help from the Spirit) were able to make clear and testify of.  It's these moments that make the difficulties and challenges we face SEEM smaller and more insignificant.  In actuality, are they smaller?  No. We have just been made stronger in Heavenly Aid which makes the burdens seem lighter.  

Stay steadfast my friends.  We are not alone.  We have been given much in this life to celebrate.  We have a church with perfect doctrine led by imperfect beings.  Was Moses perfect?  No, he questioned the Lord's choice in him because of his slow speech.  Was Peter perfect?  No, he denied the Lord three times.  Our prophets, apostles, and leaders of this church ARE going to make mistakes, and we need to allow them the grace of the Atonement to right their wrongs, just as we do in our imperfect state.  If you are struggling and need help, please find a way to reach out to me.  I will do what is within my power to strengthen, uplift, and empower you.  We are all here to help each other!

Thank you!

I was really hesitant to publish my letter to the women who marched.  I was afraid that I would lose friends.  I didn't want to, but I am tired of letting my fear hold me back from being who I want to be.  People that love and support me should want me to be my true self and even if they disagree with me, will hopefully support me and allow me to share my opinion, even if it is not one they agree with.  If you read the letter and my opinion isn't one you agree with, thank you for not being rude and disrespectful, and not unfriending me.  I actually made a note of how many friends I had before the letter was posted and as of today, I am only one friend down (and that friend deleted their Facebook account!)  I really believe there is a place out there for all of us to share what we believe.

As I sit at the computer, I am pretty overcome with emotion.  These last 8 weeks of following the promptings to sing my song has allowed some amazing experiences in my life.  I have been prompted to reach out to several different people who have touched me over the course of my life, mostly the last little bit, and especially during some very difficult and challenging times.  Moments when the thoughts of giving up were louder than the ones to fight.  It is amazing to see how the Lord truly loves us.  My contact with these friends was always through the mail.  Some have responded with a text or phone call, and a few have even mailed something back! Many have commented on the timing, and of how they needed to hear the (incredibly) sappy words I wrote or the pictures that were included and the reminder that there are people cheering them on.  Sometimes we need words and sometimes no words need to be said.  The Lord does all the work!

I have also had many comment on my word of the year, sing.  I have had such fun with this, you have NO idea!  My word really chose me.  Many have said their word chose them too.  I love it.  Please, if this is the case with you, SHARE IT WITH ME!  I love it.  I love spending my time reading and celebrating this instead of wasting my time on Instagram or Facebook, promise!!

One parting thought - listen to the little voice that tells you to do something kind.  Send a note to someone, text a friend you haven't talked to for a while, call someone you are thinking about, drop by some cookies (or a loaf of bread like my awesome neighbor Mandy!).  It may be so little, but it really can be something huge.  Those thoughts are there for a reason.  You are receiving those thoughts for a reason..  They are meant for you to act, not to ignore.  We are each others angels here on Earth.  Please don't forget that.

Thank you for allowing me to sing my song.  Thank you for being gracious, loving, and kind.  Being in the Air Force has been such an adventure, but the best gift is that it has allowed me to CHOOSE my family!

Dear women who chose to march -

I have had many thoughts running through my head the last 72 hours, many regarding the Women’s March.  I laid in bed Sunday night for hours with sleep evading me.  I just couldn’t shut my brain down.  I decided I needed to record my thoughts on paper. So, this is me looking fear in the face and singing my song! 

To My Fellow Sisters,

Please know how grateful I am that you have the freedom to march for something you believe in.  However, let it be reflected that you did NOT march for all women!  I have read the open letter to women saying that you marched for me even though I didn’t want you to, and you were happy to do so.  Let me again clearly state – you DID NOT march for me.  Let me explain why.

No law they may pass or repeal in Washington, no speech that is given, and no protest that will take place can change one very powerful fact – I am a daughter of a King!  Being the daughter of a king is something that I take very serious, and one that comes with responsibilities.  I treat others the way He would want me to treat them, even if they don’t treat me the same way.  If I want people to respect me, I must dress, speak, and act respectful.  However, one thing that is often missed, is that the first step is to respect myself.  I am free to make my own choices, as are you.  We are NOT free to choose the consequences from those choices.

  As I view some of the pictures from your march, I am mortified that someone could think for one minute that I am one of you.  You have chosen to associate yourselves with one another.  I wonder now if you doubt your decision to join in this crusade.    Look at these pictures.  Look at what you have identified yourself as.  You’re proud to be one of the “nasty women” who make history?  (Please know that I realize that women were marching for a variety of different issues.  I will only discuss a few of them in this letter.)



Next, look at this picture I came across:

For the record – I pay attention and I am angry!  I’m angry that you are marching and some of you don’t even know understand what you are marching for.  You think you’re marching for the right to make decisions that concern your body.  (The two that I have heard most is the decision on birth control and abortion.)  If you were paying attention, you would realize that you aren’t losing your ability to have birth control or the choice to have an abortion.  What you are at risk of losing is the right that you currently have for ME to pay for your birth control and abortion.   That is not a right that you should have.  I consider myself a fairly liberal member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  While I do not personally believe that abortion is a choice that should be made, I do believe that you have the right to do with your body what you want.  Abortion was legalized in 1973 with the Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court decision.  I do not for one minute think that Mr. Trump carries enough power to reverse this decision.  If that was the case, I would support you in your march.  However, that is not the case! 

What I really want to know is why you think it’s okay to make the choice to put yourself in a position where you are pregnant and suddenly you no longer wish to live with the consequence from your actions? So now you look to me to pay the price to remove that consequence from you.  Maybe, if you were required to pay for the mistakes that you make, there would be a little more thought before you make that choice.  You want to hold Mr. Trump responsible, however, you need to take a good look in the mirror.  You need to be responsible for yourself before you can hold anyone else responsible.  I’m pretty sure Mr. Trump (or Mr. Obama) were not present during the time these actions occurred.    

Another thing that I really boils my blood –  I saw several signs stating that our current president is “Not my president.”  Well, here’s a bit of truth for you.  He really is your president.  You may not have voted for him {and to be real – I didn’t want to vote for him}, but if you are a citizen of the United States, he is your president.  You are welcome to make him not your president, but that would require you to leave the United States and find your home somewhere else.  No one is stopping you from doing that.  Again, that’s a choice that only you can make. 

Under Mr. Obama, many got comfortable receiving a fair amount of support from the government.  Statistics show that at the conclusion of Mr. Obama’s presidency, the United States had a record number of people receiving government assistance.  Before you lash out, I am aware that some of the people on government assistance really need the help.  However, I personally know many that could have taken steps to better their situation, however, they were comfortable in their assistance, and so they did nothing.  I also know many that work very hard for their families and yet still require some government assistance. 

Are you angry because you are now going to have to make changes in your life in order to provide for your family?  I LOVE the idea of having to pass a drug test to receive any sort of government aid.  I LOVE the idea of holding individuals responsible for their welfare.  There are no free passes in this life.

As I have looked at the many benefits I have as a women in this country, I am not treated equal.  I am treated better.  My husband opens my car door.  I don’t think I have ever opened the door for him.  Do you ever wonder why we, as women, don’t open the door for them?  It’s a way for them to show us respect.  The same applies to opening a building door, pulling out your chair, and frankly, paying the check on the first date.  I wonder if you would be so insistent to be equal if you had to pay for all those first or second dates you went on.  I wonder if you would be so loud in your resistance if you were fired as easy as some of the men.  The hard truth is that white men have the least amount of protection in this country.  If a woman is fired, there has to be hard documentation to support the employer’s decision.  The same truth applies to anyone with an ethnic background. 

My final thought is this: do not assume for one minute that you speak for more than just yourself.  That is the grand part of being an American.  If I believed in your quest, I would have joined.  You can only speak for yourself.  Don’t take away my right to speak as a women.  I am hoping that the next few years brings a positive change in America.  As I watch the news, I am terrified by what I see.  We have retreated back into a time when we viewed people as black vs. white or male vs. female.  We are AMERICANS.  That is the most important label that we can wear right now.  If we fail to unite together, we will only destroy this great country that I love.

ADHD - Gratitude!

 

ADHD

 

This is a very sensitive subject to most people I meet.  They are ashamed that they or a loved one have it.  A lot of people feel like ADHD is a label and the label will never be removed once a diagnosis is made.  I know that this is true because I was one of those people.  I have learned that ADHD will be a label if you let it.  Don't let it!  When we had Nate diagnosed at age 4, I was terrified that this would follow him his whole life and prohibit him from being able to do the things he wanted in his life.  However, in my heart, I knew that the diagnosis was correct and we needed to take action.

 

I am not scared to admit that Nate has ADHD.  We openly discuss with him his diagnosis and what it means.  We talk about ways to not only control himself but also to be able to help those he sees who could use his help.  He has the ability to pick out kids that need help.  He is such a kind, sweet and caring boy.  He has such an amazing heart.  We also don't let him use his ADHD as an excuse.  His choices are his choices and he needs to take accountability for them. 

 

I ran into a woman today who with only seeing me for a second started to cry and tell me about her problems with her daughter.  I have run across this woman in passing a time or two at the store she works at, but I haven't really had any sort of conversation past the hi, how are you.  When I walked into the store today, it was just her and I.  It remained that way until I left.  I spent over 45 minutes explaining the science behind ADHD and some of that ways that we have dealt with certain issues.  She gave me some examples and asked how I would have handled it and I was 100% honest in my answer.  Again, I have nothing to hide.  She couldn't believe my honesty and my willingness to be so open about what we have learned. 

 

We are only alone in our battles and struggles if we choose to be.  I can fight the ADHD, PTO or church calling alone if I want.  Or, I can open myself up to help and guidance and be willing to learn from other people.  Being alone isn't fun.  I would much rather be with people who could understand how I am feeling and be in a position where we can all help each other.  Today, I am thankful that I have been given trials in my life that have put me in a position to be able to help another.  It's the whole Golden Rule or Good Samaritan thing.  Don't ever be ashamed of the trails in your life.  Don't ever be ashamed of the mistakes you have made.  We are here to live and help each other.  To make mistakes and learn from them.  To grow together.  Sometimes, we may have to ask for help.  I know that's hard, but in todays world, we become so absorbed in our trials that we fail to see someone who needs our assistance.  Lean on those who you love and trust.  Let them, or even complete strangers, help you during your most alone times.  The times when you need help!  Don't be ashamed to be you.  Take what you have learned and help others. Make an impact in someone else's life.  All of what I have been through has prepared me for the here and now to help those who are put in my life. 

 

I am thankful I know this!! 

 

Roads

I came across this song not to long ago, but didn't really listen to the words until today.  I feel a power through music that I can feel no other way.  I started thinking about the words to this song and how true they are.  As I look back, some of my stormy roads felt like I was walking through a tornado or hurricane, but I came through them thanks to those who have been on my roads with me.  Thank you to those of you who have traveled on my road.  I am so grateful you are in my life and I can call you friend. 

 

Roads

Sung by Chris Mann

 

 

There are roads in this life that we all travel,

There are scars and they are battles where we roam.

When we are lost, or wherever we may go,

They will always lead you home!

There are roads, that have led me to another,

To a friend or to a lover, I have known. 

For every turn, is it year that I have grown,

As I walk along these roads.

Some are  long and some are weathered,

Some will lead you through a storm.

When you've gone astray you will find your way,

As you walk along these roads.

There were times when I stumbled and I wondered,

But every choice and every step, I don't regret. 

'Cause I have lived and I have loved like no other,

I won't fear what lies ahead.

Some are long and some are weathered,

Some will lead you through a storm.

When you've gone astray you will find your way,

As you walk along these roads. 

 

There are roads in this life that I have traveled,

There are scars and there are battles this I know. 

I'd be lost but no matter where I go,

They will one day lead me home.

They will one day lead me home.

 

 

You can find the song on YouTube here.

 

 

 

 

Missing Man

Well, by now most of you have probably heard about the C-17 crash at Elmendorf AFB while practicing for the Air Show.  Well, it was just a few miles from our house.  Doug, our neighbor was scheduled to on that flight, but was pulled the morning of.  This tragedy has deeply affected this community and some of our dearest friends.  Despite the crash, the Air Force decided to proceed with the Air Show.  During the time the C-17 was supposed to fly (right before the Blue Angels) they did the Missing Man formation.  I had never heard of this, but was very moved by the significance of it.

The 4 F-22's flying in formation.

One of the F-22's left the formation, the other 3 leaving their space empty.  I became emotional during this.  I didn't know any of the 4 men that were killed.  We do know people effected, but this did not effect us.  However, I really liked the symbolism in the Missing Man formation.  When someone important who "completes the formation" (if you will) is taken from you, it is hard to explain to others how there is this whole in your heart.

As we watched the F-22's circle never filling the missing spot, I could help but think how real that is.  You learn to function.  It becomes normal to see the empty space.  The empty side of the closet, the open chair at the dinner table.  However, the whole is never filled.  There will be people that come and go in my life, especially because I am military (or married military) but the role that people play in my life will never diminish.  I never thought it would be as difficult to leave a place as it was to leave Ohio.  Still, over a year in Alaska and my heart still aches.  I still feel that empty space.  Long for the game nights.  Impromptu dinners between friends houses.  Walks to lunch at the school or pool parties in the back yard.  I am gone, but have not forgotten. 

To all those who have sacrificed in any way for our freedom, I salute you.  I thank you.  Others may not understand your sacrifice, but I will be forever grateful for my freedom and my ability to raise my family knowing that I will be with them forever. 

To the 4 families who lost their dad, brother, husband, grandson or friend, my heart aches for you.  May our Lord comfort you in your time of need!

Thoughts on Service

So, this month is focused on Service for Activity Days.  The 2 activities we had this month are my favorite that I have planned for the whole year.  I thought I would share our lessons.

The first activity was a washing feet party (I did receive permission from the bishop!).  The young women wanted to join us for this activity, so we had about 35 girls.  We had the lesson first.  My biggest desire with the lesson is that they realize the importance of the one act that Jesus Christ did.  I explained that in that time the servants usually are the one that washed the feet of the guests.  I then asked the girls if Christ was their servant.  They all answered quickly and loudly with a no.  I paused for a minute and told them that it was a trick servant.  Christ may not have been the servant of the building but he was a servant of our Heavenly Father.  We are all servants of our Heavenly Father.  We are to do the work that he wants us to do.  The single act of washing of the apostles feet proved to us that nobody is exempt for service.  It doesn't matter how much money we make, how big our house is, our job we have or where we are at in our life.  We are all comanded to serve others.

The 2nd activity was about the sacrament.  We took the first 20 minutes and mixed bread.  Enough for 2 loaves.  We put them in the bread pans and let them rise while we had the lesson.  The missionaries taught the girls about the Sacrament.  When it was introduced (before the washing of the feet), why it was introduced and what it means in our lives.  They even had a great object lesson.  The girls all listened intently.  You could have heard a pin drop.  They answered questions, they participated and enjoyed themselves.  When the missionaries finished, I talked to the girls for a minute.  Do people always know when we perform a service for them?  No.  I explained that sometimes the only one that knows the service was performed is us.  But, our Heavely Father and Jesus Christ always know what we do.  They are the only people that we need to know.  This coming Sunday, when the deacons pass the sacrament, they will be passing the bread that we made.  I explained to the girls that most people who partake of the sacrament will not know that they made the bread.  But, they will know.  It may be a small detail.  People probably won't know any difference.  All of that doesn't matter.

When we serve others, we are showing our love to our Heavenly Father.  The girls responded very well to the activities.  I am very pleased with the way the girls are learning and growing and I can see it happen.

A Year...

365 days.  What a differance a year makes.  I was just looking at pictures of Maggie after her heart procedure.  With tears in my eyes, I am so thankful that she is okay.  She is a stubborn and mean girl, but I sure love her.  She completes our family. The way she smiles with her head ever so slightly turned.  The way she gets her dad to do what ever she wants. 

As difficult as it is, I am complete.  I am blessed.  I am loved.  I have everything in my life that I desire - except a clean house.  I am so grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who knows exactly what we need! 

Thank you for being part of my life.  Thank you for all you do.  Near or far, know that you are in my heart!!

Trees & Us

A few weeks before Christmas, we had raining ice.  The next day, it snowed.  I became captivated with the trees.  The snow stuck to the ice that was stuck to the trees.  They were beautiful.  I couldn't help observe every tree that we passed.  Each one unique and so very different.  I started to notice that some of the trees seemed to weak for the heaviness of the ice and snow.  Their branches sag under the heavy load.  Some of the trees are built to withstand the cold and heavy load.  Some trees are hanging on with everything they have.

When summertime comes, each tree will be stronger and more ready for the next winter.  You can  not tell the difference between those that were prepared for the winter storms and those who barely hung on.  The sun comes out, melts the snow/ice and everything becomes clean and pretty again.  They are again just trees. 

There are probably more than a few trees that are marked for removal in the spring because they have succumbed to the horrible winter and no longer have fight within.  They will be removed and a hole will stand as a bearer that there once was a tree there.  Eventually, that hole will be filled with another tree or flowers and over time there will be no evidence left of the tree that is gone.

That tree may have been the one with initials of young love carved into the trunk.  Or childhood memories of swinging as high as the wind will carry.  To those, the tree - even though it is gone - will always remain.  Forever etched in their hearts.

So it is with each of us.  Some of us are built to withstand many trials and tribulations.  Some of us barely hang on until summertime.  Our spirits sagging with the heaviness of our burdens.  When relief comes and those burdens and hardships are lifted, we enjoy our "summertime."  Having become a bit stronger to withstand the coming storms we enjoy all that summertime has to offer.

There are times when some cannot withstand the burdens placed and they are removed.  Suicide, death, excommunication, or falling away from truth.  Gone will their spirits be, but forever etched in our hearts are the memories and impact of each one.

Our goal - to build strength with every storm.  To not fall under our burdens.  To not take any moment for granted.  Take the opportunities to create those memories and moments with others.  Live each moment to the fullest.  Thanks for hanging in there.  Thanks for listening to my deep thoughts!