Social media fast & the golden calf

For my Old Testament class this week, we read in Exodus 20 - 40 & Leviticus 1-10. {Yep - all of it! I am doing pretty good at reading all the required scripture!} Here are my thoughts:

In Exodus 32, Moses comes down from the mountain after receiving the 10 commandments and finds what you see in the picture above. We see how quick the people of Israel forgot God. Moses takes the golden calf and burns and has the children of Israel drink the golden calf. How do you think that tasted? I think his desire was for the people to see that when they worship false gods, it is unpleasant but when they turn to the Lord, it is a good experience. (I sure wish we could sometimes take our computers and burn them! There is so much filth on the Internet these days!)

Tonight, President Nelson held a fireside for the youth (12 - 18 years old) of the church and spoke to them about their mission. (Can we talk about how that man does NOT look 93?!?) He gave the youth a 5 step challenge. 1. A 7 day social media fast. 2. Weekly sacrifice of time to the Lord. 3. Keep on the covenant path. 4. Pray daily for all to receive the blessings of the gospel. 5. Stand out. Be different. Be a light. So, our family decided to all join in on the social media fast. We have deleted all social media apps from our phones. Maggie doesn't have social media, so she decided to do a 7 day fast from her phone and YouTube. (This is HUGE!!) I wish the older 2 were going to be home this week. (They'll be in San Diego with our 12-14 boy youth group.) I look forward to seeing how this will change the dynamics in our home! 

How do these things mesh? Well, what does the golden calf symbolize? I would say it's a distraction from what is most important. Throughout our lives our golden calf will change shape, color, and size. However, it is what is keeping us from praying more, serving more, spending more time in the scriptures, spending more time with our families, and doing our callings. I think that social media is a HUGE golden calf for some and not so big, but still there, for others. One of my boys is obsessed with watching all the sports clips on Instagram (can you guess who it is?) while another one only has Snap Chat for school projects. (Please don't lecture me about snapchat....I know!) However, there is a golden calf or two in all of our lives, not matter what size, shape, or color it is right now.

The question is this: what are you willing to do to burn that golden calf and cleanse yourself of that influence in your life? With the golden calf gone, we can start to focus more on fulfilling our mission instead of wasting our time on Pinterest, Instagram, or Facebook (or books, or sports, or exercise...) Care to join us on our 7 day media fast? I am choosing to: delight in the words of the prophet, delight in quiet time, delight in my scriptures, delight in my family....

Putting on the Armor (long post warning)

As I sit here unable to go to church (sitting with a friends daughter so her and her husband can attend church together), I am reflecting on an aha moment I had earlier this week at a lunch with a good friend. The conversation turned to the challenges our kids face.  How they are so different from the challenges that we faced as we were growing up. 

A truth that no one can dispute – the day that our children live in (no matter our circumstance or place in life) is different than the life we lived. I was talking to her about the criticism that I have received about the way that I choose to parent my children.** This is where the aha moment came.  In Ephesians, 6:11, we are told to “put on the WHOLE armour of God, that ye m ay be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.” (Emphasis added) You’ve heard this before, right?  This isn’t new doctrine.  It is my job, as a parent, to make sure my children have the armor of God. However, so many people (myself included) don’t put these two things together.  The armor of God and the changing world. For many years, I was arming my children for the battles that I faced as a child/teenager. It makes sense that with the changing of the world comes the changing of the armor that is needed for the battle. 

Today, the battles that are fought (bother literal and spiritual) are not fought or protected against like the battles that were waged even 5 or 10 years ago. Providing our children armor for battles that were previously fought is setting them up to fail.  I do understand that some of the battles that are faced today are similar to those fought years ago, and we will continue to fight them until the end of time.  Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual) is one that unfortunately will not ever disappear.  I understand that we need to still teach/warn/arm our children for this type of battle.  However, there is a HUGE battle that is fought today that was only seen by prophets 20+ years ago.  The internet provides a unique challenge.  The direction that media has taken is different. The attack on the family has intensified to an unimaginable level.

One example, I remember going to school and hearing swear words. Today, the schools are FILLED with vulgar language.  Hearing my children tell me how uncomfortable makes my mom heart hurt yet rejoice at the same time.  I hurt because they are exposed to this day in and day out.  I rejoice because they are still uncomfortable, which means the armor I am giving them is not letting them become desensitized by what they are hearing. (Before I get comments about homeschooling my kids to avoid this – I have prayed about this.  I feel that right now, for US, the best place for them to be is in school. I will (and have) pulled them out of school and taught them at home because that was what I know as a parent I was supposed to do!)

A quick story about language: We have one young man that we go to church with. He is over 16 years of age and attends the high school we are zoned for.  He is afraid to get his wisdom teeth out because he is terrified of what is going to come out of his mouth while he is under anesthesia.  Not because he is a bad kid with a bad mouth, but he hears so much of it at school that he can’t help but have those words in his thoughts.  This might seem silly to you, but the thought of speaking that way is terrifying to him.

While it is true that we didn’t have to use this armor to fight our battles, we were not sent into this battle alone.  We have a loving Heavenly Father that will guide and help us with this, IF we ask.  It is a scary thing to think about sending our kids out into this world, but with His help, we can arm them adequately. I have talked to so many people that are intimidated by what this job entails, that they don’t know where to start.  I don’t claim to be an expert on parenting, but I do have a bit of experience in this armor department.  When my oldest was 10, he was working on a vocabulary list for homework.  He had to find an image for each of his definition words.  He was searching google images.  He put in a completely INNOCENT word in and a pornographic image showed up.  I remember hearing him slam the computer closed (I was ticked – he’s going to break the computer…I think he wishes he would have broken it) and run upstairs to me in my room.  I was recovering from surgery and was completely unprepared for what happened.  He was 10!!!  He sat on my bed and told me what had happened and that he didn’t know what to do. 

(I’ll pause at this point in the story and tell you that I was not prepared.  The first thing you need to do as a parent is PREPARE for these situations.  They ARE going to happen. Hope and pray that their first response is to come to you and talk to you.)

I 100% relied on the Lord to guide me in this situation.  I am thankful I was living the way I should so I could have guidance with this.  I told him that I was not the “driver of this car ride” that he was now on.  I didn’t see what he saw, but that I was sorry he was put in this position.  I told him we could sing a Primary song, read a scripture, pray, talk about how he felt, do all of them, or do nothing.  It was up to him. I would support him in anything he chose to do. He chose to sing a primary song and say a prayer.  It’s been 4 years since this happened and there are times that I still hear him humming this primary song. (We picked a less popular one because I didn’t want the song to be a trigger for his memory.) I know that he is using this to combat temptation. For about a year, he would occasionally come to me and talk about how he was feeling and so discouraged that this image was never going to leave his mind.  Guess what?  This image will NEVER be erased from his mind. Never.  While that is so hard to grasp, it is reality and we have dealt with it the best way we know how.

Other than be prepared, here is my #1 piece of advice – CREATE a relationship with your kids.  With other people’s kids.  With your nieces and nephews.  BE the person that they will come to. This isn’t the only situation where I have learned that the relationship that I created with my kids is the most important thing that I can do to provide them armor.  They know that NO MATTER WHAT, they can come to me. I will not judge, nor criticize.  I will always be their safe place, their excuse to friends, and their biggest cheerleader. More than once I have had one of my boys text me asking me to call them and tell them I needed them home.  Nothing makes me happier. I know we don’t want our kids in those situations, but guess what? They WILL be in those situations. Do they know they can call you and ask for help? When I was a teenager, I didn’t feel I could go to my parents, so I turned to my Young Women’s Leaders. (See – it’s not just parents). I do realize that my kids are not going to come to me with everything.  I hope they do, but I am a realist. I encourage them to have adults that they trust that they feel they can talk to. John Bytheway calls them his “Board of Directors.” Sometimes kids need to hear the things their parents tell them from other adults. Then parents have a bit of credibility. (It truly does take a village!)

My kid’s friends know that I will be that person. I have spent more than one afternoon or late night talking to friends of my kids and comforting and helping the best I can. If something is discussed that I need to talk to their parents about, they 100% know that I am going to talk to their parents, but guess what? They secretly want that. They trust me enough to know when to go to their parents and know that I only want what’s best for them.

Also, my kids KNOW that I am going to be honest and open with them. When something bad happens, I want them to hear it from me first and be in a situation where they can ask questions and together we can talk about it. This means having some REALLY hard conversations. (Can you say Sandy Hook School shooting?) However, I have learned that kids know this stuff. They hear things and are very observant. I want them to hear it from me and not some kid on the playground. I have the ability to give them the facts. I also stress that they shouldn’t talk about it. They can stand up to someone when they hear things that are incorrect, but I make sure they know that not all parents want their kids knowing things. They know we need to allow other parents the opportunity to control what their kids know, but newsflash, you can’t control what they hear on the playground. At times this is hard.  Explaining to a 4 year old about the Sandy Hood shooting was awful. I wanted to shield her from that horrible truth. However, I am SO glad I did. The next time she was at preschool, one of the other kids was talking about it and saying things that were not true. She did as I taught her and told them that they didn’t have correct information and they needed to talk to their parents about it. (Imagine my 4 year old Maggie saying that – she said exactly that.) It is a hard world we live in and we cannot shelter or keep our kids from the truth.

As I said, I don’t have it figured out, and I am not good all the time. Anxiety and depression are real and extremely limiting. However, I felt very strongly that I needed to share this.  I appreciate the encouragement and sharing of advice from other parents. As I said before – we are truly a village. The only way to get through this is to help and lift one another. Please know – this is not directed and one person. This is just something that came to me and I haven’t been able to move my thoughts beyond this.  The battle is real, but we have what we need to fight it. The key is TO FIGHT!!  Don’t give up because it seems bigger than you can handle!

**Side note – the criticism of others doesn’t bother me.  It just simply exists.  I am completely comfortable with the fact that others don’t parent the same way that I parent, however, I TRY to not criticize other parents for their choices.  I only ask the same in return.  However, the criticism of others will NOT stop me from parenting the way that I KNOW I am supposed to parent my children.  

He's Concentrated Awesome!! {Nate}

I have been meaning to write this for some time now. The last 18 months with Nate have been a roller coaster. Most of the events that have happened during that period of time have been kept close to my heart. I have a new insight to the scripture "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart." {Luke 2:19} My emotions have been all over the place with support only from a few dear friends. I did this on purpose. Only a few select people knew what has been going on. That was a self preservation move on my part. If I had to go through each story numerous times, I think I would have broke. I am going to list things chronologically before I share some of my personal feelings.

(**Warning - this is going to be a LONG post.  Most of this is for my records, but I have had several questions from dear friends asking for an update - so here you go!**)

October 8, 2015 - Nate's 9 year check-up. At this appointment our pediatrician expressed concern because Nate had fallen off his own growth curve. We'd long since abandoned the "normal" growth curve, as Nate was in the 4% for weight and 3% for height for a very long time. However, he had remained steady on that curve until sometime between July and October of 2015. He feel to the 0% in both weight and height. {Note, this is as low as you can go. You can not fall below 0 on the chart. You can exceed 100 which Kennie and Justin have both done before they were 1, but you can not go lower than 0.} She put in for an x-ray to determine bone age, a series of blood tests, as well as a referral to a pediatric endocrinologist {Will be referred to as PE for the duration of this post.} Due to my anxiety in this area being very high, I put off making the appointment for the PE and completing the bone age. I did take him to get labs drawn and they took 10 vials of blood and tested for EVERYTHING!! All the tests were normal with exception of his growth hormone level, which was 68 {it was only a tad bit low with 85 being the normal.} Picture above was taken right before they took his blood.

December 2015 - I finally scheduled the appointment with the PE and took him to the base and had the x-ray done! He had turned 9 that previous August so he was 112 months and his bone age came back at 60 months.This is obviously a huge difference in where he was and where he should be.

January 2016 - We had our first appointment with our PE. She measured and weighed him (121 cm) and then scheduled an appointment for April for a 3 month follow-up height check. That was the first step. {Very anti-climactic!}

April 2016 - when measure and weighed, he lost .5 lbs and was 120.7 cm. (They did 3 height and weight checks each time!) Due to the lack of growth, he failed the 3 month check and the next step was an 8 hour growth hormone test that he had to be an inpatient for. (This was the appointment where the PE first mentioned the possibility of a pituitary tumor. There will be more on this in a minute.)

May 27, 2016 - the 8 hour test at Summerlin Hospital. We had to be there by 7:00. We sat until 8:40 when they came in to start his IV and access to draw blood. (They had to have 2 ports in case one failed because of the type of test it was.) They took a baseline grown hormone lab (2.1) and then administered the medication. They then did a blood draw at 60 and 90 minutes post medication (.7, and 3.7). Then they did IV administration of arginine over the course of an hour. Then they did a blood draw at 30, 60, and 90. (10.2, 3.0, and 1.7). At this point - 2 pm - he was finally able to eat (the entirety of the test had your be done while fasting. No food after midnight the night before.) He ordered a pretty big meal from the hospital! Hot dog, Mac & Cheese, dinner roll, can of  Coke, and a vanilla milkshake. He was such a trooper. Due to the 10.2, they consider him as have passed this test. This means his diagnosis was Idiopathic Short Stature (ISS) instead of Growth Hormone Deficiency (GHD). This diagnosis would make it hard for us to get approval from our insurance for the growth hormone medication. {Side note here: while they were administering the arginine, he fell asleep. This is the first time since he was 2 that he napped during the day. That's just not Nate. I was terrified and the nurse could see that. She had the doctor call and talk me down a cliff explaining that it's quite normal for the kids to fall asleep during the administration of the arginine.}

May 30, 2016 - I received a call from the PE informing me that he passed the test and she was worried that he had a pituitary tumor. During our appointment in April she went into great detail about this concern including the treatment plan, as she was sure this was his problem. We had to do the 8 hour test before our insurance would approve a sedated MRI. Now that he "passed" the test, a tumor was even more likely and we scheduled the sedated MRI.

June 22, 2016 - the date of our sedated MRI. The staff was amazing and he was such a trooper. They gave him the pill to take and he played Skip-Bo on my phone sitting in my lap while we waited for the meds to kick in. Having him sit on my lap and drift off to sleep was the most unexpected blessing. My emotions had been all over the place and being able to just hold him was much needed. The nurses left me alone for a few minutes as I sat there with tears streaming down my face praying with everything that I had that it wasn't a tumor. I didn't want to be strong enough for the Lord to allow us to wade through the waters of that trial.  They gave him headphones and let him pick the station as they did the MRI. The nurses said he was the best kid they had ever had. He didn't move a single muscle, but was awake the whole time, just listening to music.

June 30, 2016 - I received a phone call from the PE. Here is our conversation: PE. "The good news is that his pituitary is perfect." Me: "Okay, what's the bad news?" PE: "what makes you think there's bad news?" Me: "The only time a conversation starts with 'the good news is' is when there is also bad news that follows.  There's bad news, right?" PE: "Well, yes.  He has a Chiari Malformation. It's actually quite a big one and we aren't sure why it hasn't been caught before. You'll need to see a Pediatric Neurosurgeon to be cleared to continue the growth hormone course we are on."

As I tried to digest and research what a Chiari Malformation was, I also tried not to lose it at the thought of being referred to a Pediatric Neurosurgeon (referred to as PNS for the remainder of the blog post.) That is a very scary reality. When Kennie was diagnosed with epilepsy and referred to a neurologist, I was okay. A neurosurgeon is a whole different ballgame. While doing my research, I heard from MANY sources that the PNS here in Vegas wouldn't deal with you unless you were willing to do surgery. (For those unaware of what exactly a Chiari Malformation is, it is a condition in which brain tissue extends into the spinal canal, present at birth.) I wasn't willing to jump on the surgery train unless it was necessary, so I turned to family for help. Aaron's dad has worked with many doctors throughout his career at DMBA and he mentioned a PNS that worked out of the University of Utah hospital that specializes in Chiari's. We made an appointment with him that would overlap a visit to Utah and continued to pray for guidance in this whole process.

August 11, 2016 -  Our appointment with Dr. Brockmeyer was amazing! I am SO impressed with his ability to comfort the scared parents yet at the same time provide an environment where the children are comfortable. {I guess that's why he's the Division Chief of the Pediatric Neurosurgery Program at the University of Utah!} I am SUPER grateful that Aaron's mom accompanied me to this appointment because I was a nervous wreck!! He was shocked and amazed that Nate hadn't had many symptoms. His Chiari is moderate (at 7 mm) and he's had it since birth. {Maybe this was the source of his non-stop crying until he was 9 months old....} He commented that he'd never had a patient with a Chiari 5 or larger without symptoms. {Nate has 1 occasional symptom.  When he has a head cold or URI he will have pain when he coughs or sneezes.  This is caused by the increase in cranial pressure.} We decided not to operate due to the lack of symptoms and just monitor the Chiari. He did clear Nate for us to continue the growth hormone treatment. (I will do a follow-up post with the events of our flight home that day. Oh. My. Heck. Talk about a stressful day...it was the day that didn't want to end!) I'd like to share one thing that I LOVE about Dr. Brockmeyer. He is one of the only neurosurgeons in the world that is doing active research involving Chiari Malformations. Nate and I both had a DNA & blood panel that will be tested and evaluated looking for explanations on how and why Chiari's appear and if there is any preventative measures that can be taken.

November 22, 2016 - Pivotal appointment with the PE. Due to the length of time with no growth (123 cm), Nate's diagnosis was changed from ISS to GHD. This was big!! Immediately our insurance approved the growth hormone therapy instead of denying it as they had done with the ISS diagnosis. I was prepared to fight them to approve the treatment, but was relieved that I didn't have to fight for this! From this point, things happened pretty quick!(Picture to the left taken this day. He had grown less than 2 cm and gained less than a pound in 1 year period.)

December 2016 - I received the Norditropin (Growth Hormone medication) in the mail, but needed to wait until we could get a nurse here to give us the 4-1-1 on how this all works.

January 13, 2017 - Our meeting with the injection therapy nurse. (Norditropin is a pen similar to insulin that is injected per dosage instructions.) She was GREAT!!! Nate connected with her immediately and wouldn't stop talking. I just sat back and let him run the show. Many question the freedom I give my kids when it comes to medical decisions. I am of the opinion that they are the only ones that know the way they feel and I refuse to take away their ability to control that. I have gone the rounds with physicians regarding the denial or insistence of treatment based solely on the go ahead from my kids. (Again, more on this later!) Nate has run the show when it comes to his medical care since the age of 4 and his ADHD diagnosis. It is not my job to determine what he feels, but it IS my job to advocate for him in his health. Our home nurse went through a bunch of information on the way to care for the medication, prepare his body each time, and the ins and outs of the actual injection. It was SO neat to see him advocate for his health and take responsibility for the entirety of the situation. This was the first day of his injections. I believe between then and now he has missed 2 days. Pretty great for a 10 year old if you ask me!  He gives himself the shot everyday (I have only done it once) and has become a pro!

One of the side effects of Norditropin is elevated blood sugars. This was a huge concern to me as my brother was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of 14. When he was taken to the doctor for a stomach ache, his sugar level was 836. Upon hearing this information, the PE agreed with me and we decided to do a fasting sugar test each morning. This would help us gauge his response to the medication.

January 20, 2017 - This is the day we started sugar testing. The goal was for his sugar level under 100 (fasting). We did testing for 35 days, and of the 35 days, he was only under 100 ten times, with his highest reading being 152.

February 2017 - We did a repeat bone age x-ray. This came back with a bone age of 72 months (He was 128 months at the time).

March 20, 2017 - Follow-up check with PE. GREAT NEWS - Nate grew 1 inch and gained 3 pounds in 4 months. (It took him 18 months to grow his last inch!) She was significantly concerned by his elevated blood sugars and performed an A1C in the office (result of 4.8%). She ordered thyroid testing as well as a Insulin-like growth factor. His TSH was slightly elevated (4.7) and his IGF was 126.  (Normal for a 10 year old is 97-407).
(Note - in looking at the ranges for the IGF, even someone under 1 year old could have an IGH result of 126 and still be in the normal range.)

That brings us to date. I am currently working with the PE to decide if we should up his growth hormone amount, but for now we are in a routine AND seeing progress. We are cautiously optimistic in his response to the medication. I will be eternally grateful for those who have listened to me, held me while I cried, and were strong when I no longer could be.  

Many have asked how long Nate will have to continue treatment. The short answer is 8ish years.  The long answer is that we will check his progress in 2 years and if we are pleased with his response, we will continue treatment. If not, we will stop. (Strange - right?) The plan is to continue the growth hormone injections until he reaches a bone age of 14 (or 168 months).

Thanks for hanging in! I know that was a lot and I have probably lost everyone! I needed somewhere that would hold the details and feelings of this time. Some of it is housed in my journal, but I haven't been super consistent about writing (I am trying to be better) and needed it all in one place. Throughout the few days it has taken me to record this information, I have come up with some things that I want to remember as well as some things that I want Nate to remember.

• The passion in which you live your life.
• The strength and fortitude that you had as you faced down each and every trial you encountered.
• The way you felt as you fell asleep in my arms waiting for the MRI.
• The look in your eyes as you silently looked to me for assurance and comfort.
• The way you stood up to others when they teased and mocked you, but then dissolved in tears the minute you walked into my arms. 
• The way you tease and joke in order to mask the hurt you feel.
• That he has a purpose on this Earth.  He is indeed a child of a loving Father in Heaven.  He loves Nate even more than I do, and although it's hard for us to comprehend, that is truth.
• How at times I felt so alone and then at other times felt surrounded by angels!
• Each day that I have with him is truly a gift.
• How easy it is for him to make you smile one minute and then the next minute your fuming!
• How facing this trial together has drawn us closer and my heart is bursting with love!    

Thanks for hanging in through all that. Whatever battle you are fighting, know that while you may be alone - you are never alone!! If you feel you can't lean on those around you, I KNOW that there are many people supporting you that you can't see. I have felt the strength that only they can provide. There were times that I was sustained through these angels. If you are struggling and need someone - I am always up for a phone conversation or lunch (for those in Vegas!) There are people would want to love and support you!  The hardest part is reaching out.

I'll leave you with a bit of humor.  This has been our motto around here!

Thank you!

I was really hesitant to publish my letter to the women who marched.  I was afraid that I would lose friends.  I didn't want to, but I am tired of letting my fear hold me back from being who I want to be.  People that love and support me should want me to be my true self and even if they disagree with me, will hopefully support me and allow me to share my opinion, even if it is not one they agree with.  If you read the letter and my opinion isn't one you agree with, thank you for not being rude and disrespectful, and not unfriending me.  I actually made a note of how many friends I had before the letter was posted and as of today, I am only one friend down (and that friend deleted their Facebook account!)  I really believe there is a place out there for all of us to share what we believe.

As I sit at the computer, I am pretty overcome with emotion.  These last 8 weeks of following the promptings to sing my song has allowed some amazing experiences in my life.  I have been prompted to reach out to several different people who have touched me over the course of my life, mostly the last little bit, and especially during some very difficult and challenging times.  Moments when the thoughts of giving up were louder than the ones to fight.  It is amazing to see how the Lord truly loves us.  My contact with these friends was always through the mail.  Some have responded with a text or phone call, and a few have even mailed something back! Many have commented on the timing, and of how they needed to hear the (incredibly) sappy words I wrote or the pictures that were included and the reminder that there are people cheering them on.  Sometimes we need words and sometimes no words need to be said.  The Lord does all the work!

I have also had many comment on my word of the year, sing.  I have had such fun with this, you have NO idea!  My word really chose me.  Many have said their word chose them too.  I love it.  Please, if this is the case with you, SHARE IT WITH ME!  I love it.  I love spending my time reading and celebrating this instead of wasting my time on Instagram or Facebook, promise!!

One parting thought - listen to the little voice that tells you to do something kind.  Send a note to someone, text a friend you haven't talked to for a while, call someone you are thinking about, drop by some cookies (or a loaf of bread like my awesome neighbor Mandy!).  It may be so little, but it really can be something huge.  Those thoughts are there for a reason.  You are receiving those thoughts for a reason..  They are meant for you to act, not to ignore.  We are each others angels here on Earth.  Please don't forget that.

Thank you for allowing me to sing my song.  Thank you for being gracious, loving, and kind.  Being in the Air Force has been such an adventure, but the best gift is that it has allowed me to CHOOSE my family!

Blog Change & Warning

Hello friends -

It has been a while.  Not quite 2 years like last time, but still, a while.  I wanted to explain the new blog as well as give you a chance to jump ship.  I have decided to do something different this year.  I signed up for the One Little Word yearlong workshop.  There are a series of activities to help you understand your word and apply it to your life.  Sound crazy?  Maybe.  I never claimed to be sane.

My 2017 OLW* is SING.  Let me explain.  In September, I ventured to Arlington Texas where I attended a TOFW with some of my favorite people.  One of the talks pierced my heart.  I could easily say that my word, sing, chose me.  The talk was given by Sandra Turley.  I have heard her speak before and in 2013 she directly answered the question burning in my heart.  Side track with me for one minute - One thing that she said that was amazing is this: "Be worth knowing rather than well known."  She also quoted Rob Garner saying "God gave us voices so we must sing."  We can read Mother Mary's Psalm in Luke Chapter 1.  Sandra asked us what our Psalm or song would sound like.  It was then that I realized that as we live our life, we are writing our life song.  What good is a song if it sits on a shelf, unsung and unplayed?  It is no good.  So, this year, I will sing my song.  

I have been fearful in the past to sing my song.  Why?  I don't want to sound like I am bragging, seeking attention, upstaging, or downplaying others.  I was afraid others would feel inferior after hearing my story.  One quick example - Aaron recently received an award at work.  He works extremely hard and it was SO fabulous seeing him receive recognition for his devotion and dedication to his job and his patients.  I found my self afraid of someone getting their feelings hurt or think  that I think any less of them because they didn't get an award or recognition.  I hope this makes sense.  I feel like I am just rambling.  

I also am fearful that my thoughts and opinions that contradict yours will be seen as forceful and ignorant.  We don't have to share the same opinions on everything to be friends.  There are things that I feel strongly about and you feel very strongly about the opposite side of that same scenario.  I support and love you for who you are and by doing so, support your right to voice your opinion.  We still remain friendly and supportive.  Please support my choice to voice my opinion.  By doing so, it does NOT lessen my support of you and your rights.  It's just my feelings and beliefs.  

I am giving you an opportunity to jump ship, or change the station, if you don't want to hear my song.  My feelings won't be hurt.  I just refuse to let my fear dictate my thoughts and actions.  I will not let fear win!  By me sharing our accomplishments, activities, everyday life, and hard times, please remember this - I am not putting you down or trying to lift myself up.  I am simply sharing my story.  The amazing thing about this life is success and happiness is not like a pie.  With a pie, there is only so much to go around.  That is not the case with success and happiness.  It's like air.  There is plenty to go around.  I have a challenge for you - share your song.  Not just with me but the world.

You may notice that the blog name has changed.  The former blog - The Lewis Dudes - was created before Little Miss Maggie was born or even a twinkle in our eye.  {That was 8 years ago}  She came into our lives and I just could never come up with a blog name that I felt fit.  Well, I have found it now.  Sassy's Song.  This blog will serve several purposes.  I will share the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I will share successes of my husband and kids {and sometimes me}, I will share my thoughts and feelings of things going on in the world (I have a post already brewing in my mind!}, I will share the struggles that I face, and I will testify of things I know to be true.

Friends, we can believe different things and still be friends.  That is the beauty of living in America.  I support you.  I want you to be happy.  I want to make myself happy.  The way that I am going to do that this year is to sing my song.  One of my favorite things about the thought of singing my song is that often there is more than one voice singing a song.  There is harmony and blending.  That is you.  You can help me sing my song, and at the same time, sing yours.  A song is a beautiful thing.  I cry at songs more than I do anything else.  Songs can provoke SO much emotion in a short period of time.  A good song can bring the spirit into my heart faster than anything else.

I leave you with one final thought.  During Sandra Turley's talk, she said this - "We must not be swayed and we must NOT be silent."  Your being silent doesn't benefit anyone.  Please join me in choosing to SING!

*{OLW} = One Little Word - this will probably be seen throughout the 2017 year.